well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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