Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
