He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
