I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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