STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
