She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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