Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
