I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
