you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
