I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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