Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
