Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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