You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You are the jesus of drinking
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
