I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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