We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
