so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
