Pants 0. Shit 1.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
accomplished twins. life is a go
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
