I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
