Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
