This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just cut my nipple shaving
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
