I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
