I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
