I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
