dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
