the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
