I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
