i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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