I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
