I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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