I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you didnt know i had herpes?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
