At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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