I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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