I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
