I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
