I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
