dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
