...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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