Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
