suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
