Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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