I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
