the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
