Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
