You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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