I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
