Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
