I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
