please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
