My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
