he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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