You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
