you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
