I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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