I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
