I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
